there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
