They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
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