Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
