My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
