i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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