just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
