he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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