Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
