ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
