he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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