I accidentally had phone sex last night
Me. At least after what I've been through.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
