Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
