I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
