I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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