the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I enjoy the company of your penis
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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