Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
