He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
