i can't believe i had my finger in that
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
