why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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