Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
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