if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
