You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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