if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
