He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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