i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
