I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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