Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
