dude i'm inner monologue high
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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