this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
