I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
