your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
