Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
