I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
