life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
