Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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