How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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