I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize