I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I looked at my own cervix.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
