so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
