I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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