He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
