I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
