oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
