I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
