I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
