she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Randomize
