I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
