Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
