Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
