P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
