Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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