i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
