Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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