The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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