my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
