today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
