He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
