Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize