I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize