well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
