Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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