Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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