Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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