none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
