If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
