Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
