I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
