Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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