omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You can't just leave with hair like that
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
